We all know what it feels like to lose our train of thought mid-sentence. Consider how you may feel if you not only lose your train of thought but suddenly no longer remember where you’re standing and think you’re speaking to a complete stranger.

Talking to a loved one with dementia can feel like navigating an unfamiliar road, but when we approach communication with dementia patients with empathy for their experiences, we can foster connection, reduce frustration, and bring comfort.

How to Communicate When Caring for a Loved One With Dementia

As memory fades and confusion sets in, simple conversations become more challenging.

As a loved one progresses through the stages of dementia, communication goals shift from helping your loved one to understand the present reality to maintaining peace and ensuring happiness. Here are some practical communication tips when caring for a loved one with dementia.

1. Approach With Empathy

• Always start conversations in a calm, friendly tone and show your loved one you care.
• If you’re getting frustrated during a conversation, use coping mechanisms like reminding yourself that your loved one is a victim of a disease, stepping away to do deep breathing exercises, or asking a friend to help until you can return with a fresh mindset.
• Timing is everything. Disrupting regular routines can throw people off, so try to work your conversations and visits into your loved one’s schedule instead of asking them to adapt to your schedule. Similarly, if they struggle with sundowning (a state of increased confusion that often occurs in the afternoon or evening), strategically plan your meaningful interactions for earlier in the day.

2. Simplify Communication

• Use short, simple sentences and avoid complex words and explanations.
• Ask one question at a time.
• Allow more time than you think is necessary for your loved one to comprehend and respond in their own way. Practice patience and being comfortable with silence so you don’t rush or interrupt.
• Break tasks or instructions into small, manageable steps. If you need to repeat yourself, try to repeat exactly what you said. For example, don’t say: “Please put your coat on. … Don’t forget to wear your coat.” Instead say: “Please put your coat on. … Please put your coat on.”
• In addition to verbal communication, use visible reminders like lists, labels, or pictures that your loved one can refer to regularly.

3. Be Mindful of Nonverbal Cues

• Maintain eye contact and use positive facial expressions.
• Avoid sudden movements or a harsh tone, which might increase agitation.
• Pay attention to their body language and mood. If they appear frustrated or anxious, try to soothe them rather than insisting on completing a task or continuing a discussion.

4. Avoid Correction

Avoid confronting or correcting loved ones with dementia — even if their statements are incorrect. This tip may feel counter-intuitive, but it’s important to remember that when dementia is taking its toll, you cannot “fix” your loves one’s neurology. As dementia progresses, it becomes difficult or impossible for a person to comprehend logic. Trying to convince them that they are wrong can quickly lead to distress, agitation, and disagreements.

It’s okay to agree to keep the peace. Your goal is to foster peace and happiness, which may require you to practice new levels of humility.

• Validate their feelings, even if they’re not responding to reality.
• For instance, if you pick up Dad for his dentist appointment and he’s not ready because he doesn’t remember any of your reminders, try accepting blame to validate and help diffuse his frustration: “I understand why you’re feeling rushed. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
• Practice entering their reality to fix their concerns.
• For instance, if Grandma thinks she’s 23 years old and needs to feed her baby, try saying something like, “Lucky for us, the babysitter is taking care of the little one so we have time to go out to lunch.”
• When necessary, redirect conversations or distract your loved one by engaging them in a topic or activity that’s meaningful to them.
• For instance, if Grandpa keeps fretting about why his long-deceased son has not called today, try saying something like, “You really love your son. Instead of waiting here, let’s go for a walk and see what birds we can spot.”

5. Engage With Reminiscence

• Encourage conversations about familiar past events or people, which can spark joy and connection.
• Use photos, music, or other nostalgic items to prompt positive memories. You don’t have to speak about memories to bask in the familiarity of a favorite song, run fingers along a soothing texture, browse comforting images, listen to a classic story, or smell cookies baking in the oven.

6. Respect Their Dignity

• Don’t talk down to your loved one or speak as if they’re not in the room. As their cognition declines, remember the lifetime of experiences you’ve shared.
• Don’t quiz them or test their memory. This can lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy.
• Give your loved one autonomy to make as many choices about their daily life and their care as possible. In later stages of dementia, you may have to take responsibility for making big decisions about your loved one’s care, but they can continue to maintain dignity by making many quality of life choices like what to wear, who to visit, when to wake up, and how to make a difference in the world around them.
• Always forgive. People living with dementia are responding to the world in ways that make sense to them. They cannot control their reality any more than you can control the weather, so show them respect by offering continual forgiveness.

Caring for a loved one with dementia can be challenging for individuals and their families, but understanding the condition and adopting compassionate communication strategies can make a significant difference.

As you practice these strategies, keep in mind that the effects of dementia progress over time and can ebb and flow throughout a day. Communication tactics that work in the morning may not work at night. Likewise, a person with dementia may relate better to one person one day and a different person the next day.

It’s no small feat to practice empathy, adaptability, patience, humility, and forgiveness with every interaction. As you navigate this unfamiliar road, invite others into your journey to support you and lean on God’s everlasting strength, which He reminds us of in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” May you discover that when you are weak and rely on God, His strength will sustain you far beyond what you can ask or imagine.

Get the Right Dementia Care for Your Loved One at Chapel Pointe

If you or a loved one is affected by dementia, don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance at Chapel Pointe, a faith-based continuing care retirement community. We commit each day to serving and enhancing the quality of life for people aged 62 and over in Central Pennsylvania, offering amenities and services to boost our residents’ physical, mental, and spiritual health. We’re honored that our greater community sees the servant’s heart of our nonprofit organization and consistently selects Chapel Pointe as “The Best of Cumberland County.”

The Garden View Memory Support Household at Chapel Pointe accommodates and supports the needs of residents with Alzheimer’s, dementia, and other memory-impairing conditions. We learn each resident’s unique needs and preferences and then create an individualized program of activities and care based on those preferences. Garden View makes the world a little smaller and easier to comprehend. Up to twelve residents live in this home-like environment with a garden, professional caring staff, peers who relate, and opportunities to have a meaningful life.

Contact us to learn more about our memory care offerings and how Chapel Pointe can help your loved one to live their best life!